


One Day Like This

by Purple_Turtle



Category: The Walking Dead RPF
Genre: Angst, Baby Norman, Bubba - as a petname, Caregiver Jeffery, Childhood Trauma, Closeted Character, Daddy Jeffery, Diapers, Dom/sub Undertones, Flashbacks, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Infantilism, Little Norman, Littles Are Known, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Norman doesn't know what to do with all these feelings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, bottles, mentions of previous childhood abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-08-26 05:45:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16675645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purple_Turtle/pseuds/Purple_Turtle
Summary: Jeff had known as soon as they met.It didn’t matter how well he tried to hide it, to Jeff it was plainly obvious.Norman Reedus was a Little.-X-Norman has been hiding his Little Status for as long as he can remember. And then a new Daddy Caregiver starts filming with him and he starts finding it harder and harder to keep up his walls.And Jeff? All Jeff desperately wants to do is help the poor baby he can see hiding inside Norman.





	1. On The Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!! First story!! I'm really excited!!!!
> 
> Okay, so this story idea came to me as I was casually scrolling through JDM's Instagram. In the pictures that had Norman in, he captioned them with 'Bubba' more often than not. I understand that this is supposedly short for 'brother' but I loved the thought of it actually meaning 'Baby'. And then I looked on here for similar stories, but couldn't find ANY!! So of course, I HAD to write one!!
> 
> If you've read the tags and the summery, you should know that this story is a socially-acceptable adult-baby, infantilism fic, but if not then here's your warning!! Click back now!!

Jeff had known as soon as they met.

It didn’t matter how well he tried to hide it, to Jeff it was plainly obvious.

Norman Reedus was a Little.

Sometimes, Jeff would watch him from a distance when they were between scenes. He was in awe at how much this little kept it together, how well he had everyone convinced that he was a Neutral. Jeff knew that if he wasn’t as tuned in with his natural Caregiver instincts, he too would be easily convinced that Norman was just an everyday Joe-Blog. After all, the man hid it well… just maybe not as well as he thought.

It was easy to spot the signs of a Little. The constant sniffing and runny nose, the way he wiped the snot away with the back of his sleeve. The way he pulled at the bottom of his shirt when he was seeking comfort or nibbled his fingernails when he was stressed or rubbed his ear against his shoulder when he was nervous. The way he always looked for reassurance and guidance throughout everything, not just during a scene. The way he yawned and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes whenever he was tired at the end of a long day, sometimes barely stopping himself from rubbing them with a clenched fist. The way he more often than not spilt food down his top, or liquids dribbled down his chin when he drank. And the way his eyes would try and fight the sting of rising tears whenever he was given criticism or became overwhelmed.

Jeff was also pretty certain that Norman didn’t embrace his Little side at home either, when he was far away from the set and his character. Jeff could see how desperately Norman needed to slip into his Little Headspace and would watch as he’d go bid everyone good night before making his way home. But he’d come back into work the next morning, looking even worse than he had the previous night, having obviously not let himself give in.

It constantly worried Jeff terribly.

It was so dangerous for a Little to keep their Little side hidden away and locked up. It was a part of their body-code, just like the way Jeff’s Caregiver side was a part of his. Ignoring it and choosing not to embrace it could cause devastating effects on the body, both physically and mentally.

During the filming of The Walking Dead, Season Seven, Jeff watched Norman like a hawk. It helped that they had a number of scenes together, especially at the beginning of the season. Jeff found some of the scenes harder to film, as he couldn’t help but imagine Little Norman in Norman’s place and the thought scared him. But he was professional, and he regularly got to watch as Norman slipped Daryl Dixon on as easily as if he was putting on a jacket. It made him yearn for Norman to do the same with his Little side.

Jeff managed to strike up quite a friendship with Norman over the first few months of filming. He didn’t do it because he was a caregiver who could sense Norman’s Little side; in fact, he had been too nervous to try and build a friendship with Norman _because_ of that reason. So, he’d been pleasantly surprised when Norman had approached him and engaged him in a small chat – it had originally been about the upcoming scene they had to film together, but soon Jeff had Norman smiling and giggling a little. It had truly warmed Jeff’s heart.

Jeff was often praised about how he got Norman to relax. If the stories were to be believed, before Jeff came onto the scene Norman pretty much kept himself to himself and just worked and worked until he had everything completed. The person he was closest to was Andrew and even then, that relationship was strained.

Jeff had never hidden the fact that he was a caregiver and was constantly asked whether he had found his very own Little yet, but he always had to deny it. He always had people begging to be his Little, parents offering their recently-come-of-age Little’s to him for a small price. While he was honoured that so many people thought he was worthy, he did not want to find the love of his life that way, and politely denied every request.

But with Norman, Jeff felt a pull. He just wanted to wrap Norman up and take him home. Make sure that he was clean, warm, fed happy and well looked after. He wanted to be Norman’s caregiver… Norman’s Daddy. More than anything though, he wanted Norman to want it. He could never force him.

As the show went into its eight season, his friendship with Norman grew to new heights and the two were often seen together. Jeff would have to fight his Caregiver instincts so hard. He attempted to keep them in check by throwing his arm around Norman’s shoulder’s as any good friend would do and checked in with him at least once a day to make sure that he was okay. It wasn’t much, but over a few weeks, Jeff noticed how Norman leant into the touch and would smile warmly up at him and eventually sought Jeff out for comfort.

Still though, even after nearly two years, Norman had not actively told Jeff about his real Status. Jeff never spoke about his either, not with Norman. He knew that Norman knew what he was, but he didn’t want him to feel like he was rubbing it in his face. So, he too kept quiet about his own Status around his friend.

But then one day, after a long day of filming, he was taking a moment for himself in his trailer before he headed off to his hotel for the night, when there was a loud, desperate knocking on his door. It startled Jeff, and he got up quickly to answer the door; a million thoughts rushing through his mind as to who was on the other side and what was wrong.

His heart broke. On his doorstep was a man with dishevelled hair, red teary eyes and on the verge of dropping into his Little Headspace.

“Oh, Norm,” Jeff hushed, quickly reaching out to herd the man into his trailer where no eyes would be able to see them.

As soon as they were inside with the door shut and locked, Norman threw himself into Jeff’s chest and began sobbing loudly, letting himself finally slip.

Jeff acted on impulse, wrapping his arms securely around the Little, shushing and whispering words of praise in a warm ear. He kept quietly promising Norman that he was a good boy while the Little cried and cried, soaking Jeff’s top in tears and snot. Jeff didn’t mind and instead fell to the floor with Norman when the Little’s legs gave out underneath him.

On the floor it was easier to gather Norman into his lap and he rocked him slowly, muttering sweet nothings to the baby he currently held in his arms. He smoothed sticky-with-sweat hair from his face and pressed chaste kisses to the baby’s temple wishing that there was something more that he could do. Jeff knew though that the best thing was to let Norman cry it out, while offering him warmth and comfort throughout.

Norman had left it so long that his body had all-but forced him into a drop, and suffering it alone could be devastating and have an even longer, negative affect on his health. So, the fact the He'd sought Jeff out  _before_ he'd dropped made Jeff so god damned proud of him. And the fact that he'd come to him over anyone else really spoke volumes of trust to Jeff and he vowed to honour that trust and take care of this little guy as if his life depended on it. 

Jeff felt the moment that the baby in his arms lost control of his bladder, the pee seeping through to his own trousers. The babe’s crying picked up tenfold and Jeff hurried to try and calm him again. He knew he needed to get Norman cleaned up and into a diaper before he wet himself again or something worse. There was just one problem… he didn’t have any diapers and knew that he couldn’t leave Norman to get any either.

“Okay, okay,” Jeff shushed, tone calm and reassuring. “Let’s get you all cleaned up a minute, hmm?”

Jeff knew his voice were falling on deaf ears and he was surprised that no one had come and investigate the crying coming from his trailer.

Jeff moved Norman off his lap a moment and stood up. He had to let go of the baby and felt instantly bad when the crying picked up in full force again.

“Hey. I’m here, Bubba,” Jeff promised as he hurried to pluck Norman off the floor and settled him on his hip. He swayed for a moment, as Norman’s tears calmed slightly again, guiding the baby’s head into the crook of his neck where he knew he would feel safest.

“There. There we go. Good boy. Good boy,” Jeff kept muttering a sting of praises as he walked over to his coffee table and picked up his cell phone. If he wanted the necessities, he was going to have to get someone to deliver them to him.

He pulled up the number of a person he knew he could trust, pressed it to his ear with his shoulder and focused on trying to calm the baby in his arms while the number rang.

“Come on Bubba. There we go; come on. You’re okay, you’re alright.”

 _“Jeff?”_ Steven’s voice was loud and confused in his ear as the phone call connected.

“Steven, thank god!”

 _“Jeff mate, you okay?”_ Steven asked, voice now concerned, able to hear the crying through the phone. _“You got a kid or something now?”_

"Or something..." Jeff huffed and hoisted the babe in his arms higher shushing slightly when he slipped slightly in his arms. “C’mon Bubba."

 _“Now Jeff, I know you love me but no need to call me Bubba mate,”_ Steven joked, before he turned serious again. _“Dude, why didn’t you tell me you had a Little? Are you alright? You need a hand with anything.”_

“No,” Jeff denied with a loud voice, trying to be heard over the screaming still. “Well, you couldn't grab me some diapers and some bottles from the store and pop them to my trailer ASAP please?”

_“Dude – how do you have any of that stuff?”_

“Steven… my Little just appeared on my door and dropped as soon as he saw me. Everything I have is at my hotel and I don’t want to leave the trailer, or the baby, to get it all. The baby is inconsolable, and I can barely move him across the room without it upsetting him even more. I have _nothing_ here. _Please_. Can you help?”

“I’m on it Jeff. Give me 20 minutes.”

The line went dead, and Jeff threw the phone on the couch behind him before focusing completely on the baby again.

Jeff knew that he shouldn't have called Norman 'his' little, but it had just slipped out. He also knew that he was never going to hear the end of it again, at least from Steven, and he was going to have to request Steven keep it quiet otherwise the news that he had a Little now would have done the rounds by morning. But calling Norman  _his_ little felt so right that Jeff couldn't even begin to feel guilty about having to use that lie to get him what he needed.

“C’mon Bubba,” Jeff shushed, pleased when Norman’s loud crying started to die down to loud, heart-breaking sobs. “Let’s get you cleaned up, eh?"

He didn't know how Norman was going to deal with this when he came out the other side, but he wondered whether it would be worth stocking up on diapers and the works anyway.


	2. Overwhelmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have commented, bookmarked, subscribed and left Kudos so far!! I honestly thought that no one would even read this little story, especially when I couldn't find any similar fics!! So really, truly; thank you!!
> 
> In this chapter there is mention of childhood abuse and lots of angst. Poor Norman!! :(

Norman’s eyelids fluttered slightly as he slowly came too. He was warm and comfortable. He felt safe, secure and well rested; in fact, that was the best night’s sleep that he had had in a _very_ long time. He didn’t want to move or wake up and instead wanted to stay wrapped up and hidden from the world where he wouldn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t.

He groaned, smacking his lips together as he opened his eyes to take in his surroundings. He shot up in the bed when he realised that he wasn’t in his hotel room, or even his own trailer. And the previous night came crashing back to him.

“Oh fuck,” He grunted, grasping his hair in desperation as he looked around the unfamiliar bedroom.

He didn’t know how or why, but as soon as he’d got back to his trailer after filming yesterday, his body had been right on the edge of giving in and forcing him into a drop. He had tried to fight it in every way he knew how, but nothing worked and eventually he had to admit defeat when he felt the drop creeping up on him. He was overcome with need and emotion, knowing that he was going to have to face a side of him that he kept locked up; and as his Little side started to overtake him, he knew he didn’t want to face it alone. He barely remembered seeking out the only person he felt he could trust with this side of him, barely remembered knocking on his door but he did remember dropping, hard, as soon as he saw him. Everything after that was fuzzy; filled with snot and tears, but also with warm words, promises, hugs and kisses.

He glanced around quickly, suddenly cautious as he remembered the Caregiver he had sought out last night. But Jeff was nowhere to be seen.

Norman’s eyes welled with tears again, but this time they were tears of frustration. He absolutely _hated_ that he had enjoyed last night and hated that he craved more… hated that he knew he _needed_ more. But he couldn’t allow himself that luxury; he couldn’t be Little… it didn’t matter how much he wanted it – that was not him, it never was, and it never could be.

“Good morning.”

Norman jolted, the kind voice unexpected and making him jump. His eyes locked with Jeff who stood casually in the doorway of the bedroom.

“I was wondering when you were going to wake up. You want anything for breakfast?”

Norman said nothing. Instead he shook his head, drawing his knees up and hiding his face in them as he tried to fight back the tears and the embarrassment.

“Hey,” Jeff hushed, and Norman could hear him stepping closer. He felt the mattress dip as Jeff sat on the edge of the bed. And then a warm, comforting, reassuring hand pressed against his shoulder and he jerked.

He wanted the touch, he _needed_ the touch, but he knew that he’d drop again if he let himself have it. He needed to get out of here.

Jeff drew his hands back slowly, knowing that now wasn’t the time to push the Little, even though his own instincts were crying out to care for him. Jeff was amazed that Norman still wasn’t emerged in his Headspace, after all he had dropped so deep yesterday that Jeff was sure it was going to be _at least_ a few days. But instead, Norman continued to surprise him… it was still a wonder he had managed to survive so long without dropping before.

Jeff smiled sadly at the Little who sat in the middle of his bed, surrounded by blankets and a now destroyed pillow wall to stop him from rolling out of the bed during the night. He looked so tiny, and so, so tired. But he looked a hell of a lot better than Jeff could ever remember him looking. It broke Jeff’s heart, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap Norman up in a blanket, feed him a bottle of warm milk and rock him back to sleep.

“Norm,” Jeff hushed, voice strong and confident, but quiet, not wanting to spook the Little any further. “It’s okay. You’re safe here. I won’t let anything happen to you. You can let go. I can take care of you. I _want_ to take care of you.”

Norman’s breathing was loud, fast and erratic. He swallowed loudly and rubbed his face in his knees, trying and failing to wipe away the growing tears building in his stinging eyes. His heart was thudding in his chest, the fear at what he was, what Jeff _knew_ he was, was getting too much.

“Please, Norman. Let go. Let me take care of you.”

Jeff reached his hand out again, hoping that his touch wouldn’t be refused again. It was. Instead of just flinching away though, Norman scrambled over the mattress and fell out of the other side of the bed.

“Norman!”

“No!” Norman cried, kicking off the blanket he had been entangled in and rushing to his feet. He needed to put as much distance between himself and Jeff as possible. He couldn’t let himself want this… he just couldn’t. “Please, just no. I need to go.”

“Norm, calm down. You don’t have to go. We can talk about this!” Jeff stayed calm, knowing that he needed to do that for the distraught Little in front of him. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Norman said nothing, sniffed once and wiped his face with the back of his hand. He tapped his left foot twice, glancing around the room while keeping an eye on the Caregiver as if waiting for him to attack. Jeff didn’t move though, just stood with his hands in the air in surrender as he watched and calculated Norman’s every move.

“Where’s my clothes?”

Jeff looked generally surprised at the question. He put his hands down and smiled kindly. Norman was stood there, positively swimming in Jeff’s own pyjamas and looked too-cute-to-boot.

“You had a bit of an accident last night. I’m washing them for you.”

Norman’s face paled and Jeff thought for a minute that the Little was going to keel over. A second later though, Norman was steady on his feet again, his face set into a hard scowl and a look of determination fell over his features.

“Look, Jeff,” Norman spoke hurriedly as he started to back away from the bed and towards the door. “Thanks for everything, _really_. But I need to go.”

 “Norm…” Jeff started. Norman didn’t stick around to hear what the Caregiver had to say and instead spun on his heel and bolted from the room. For a moment, Jeff was left starring after him before the realisation of what had just happened sunk in and then he followed after the Little, just as quickly.

Norman was stuffing his shoes onto his feet, not even stopping to do the laces up, just stuffing the ends of them into his shoes so he wouldn’t trip over them.

“Norman, stop…” Jeff tried, he made sure that his voice wasn’t stern or commanding, knowing that it would just have a negative affect on the Little if he did.

“Promise me,” Norman huffed, voice rushed and panicked as he stood up again. “Promise me that you wont breath a word of this to _anyone_. No one can know what I am. _No one._ ”

“I promise Norm,” Jeff replied honestly, easily sensing how scared the Little was. “It will stay between us. I swear.”

“Thank you.” And Norman really meant it.

Jeff watched, the panic starting to grow inside of him too as he watched Norman flicked the lock of the trailer door.

“Norman. Please. You can’t just leave after such a hard drop. Let me help you.”

Norman paused, his hand on the handle.

“Don’t follow me.”

“Norman,” Jeff begged, voice barely a whisper.

The trailer door was ripped open and slammed shut harshly after the Little hastily disappeared through it.

-X-

Norman was glad when he managed to return to his trailer without bumping into, or even seeing, anyone. His emotions were all wound up and uncontrollable that he didn’t know how he would have reacted if he had bumped into someone.

He felt a weight lifted off his shoulders as he locked his trailer door. He slumped down the door to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest. He couldn’t hold it back anymore and choked on a sob as the tears started flowing freely down his face.

He didn’t know exactly what had happened to him over the last twelve-or-so hours, or why, but he felt like he had lost _everything_. He had worked for almost twenty years to gain and harness the control that he had on his body, status and instincts. He couldn’t let himself be Little and had had to learn, by himself, to contain it. He only let himself drop once in a blue moon, for maybe an hour or two and only if he was completely alone with no chance of being found out. He had never actually lost control so bad that he’d been unable to stop the drop his body had forced on him.

He didn’t know why now, after all these years, he was suddenly a puppet to his emotions and his Status again.

_“Disgusting.”_

The harsh voice he heard was like a kick in the teeth and made him feel winded. He gasped desperately for air, not having heard the voice in years.

_“Absolutely disgusting!”_

He shook his head desperately, pressing his hands to his ears. He knew that is was just his subconscious playing tricks on him, but the voice still had the same affect now as it had all these years ago when it had been directed at 15-year-old Norman.

“No please,” He begged, curling into himself even more. He could feel his Little side creeping up on him again and pushed it away, knowing that the voice would hate it, and him, even more.

_“Stop being such a fucking baby!”_

Norman shook his head, the word ‘no’ mouthed over and over again, a silent prayer to anyone that was listening… but Norman knew that no one was; they never did. He flinched at the memories that came crashing back to him in waves. The abuse, neglect and torture… just because her son was a Little.

_“You make me sick. Fucking grow up!”_

“I’m sorry,” Norman apologised, his voice begging, broken and full of tears. He held the dam on his Little side back with as much force as he could manage, feeling it pushing at his walls to take over and give him what his body needed and craved. He couldn’t let it do that again.

_"You fucking will be, bitch!”_

Norman jolted at the loud, hard knocking behind him on his trailer. It was successful in pulling him out of his mind, and he was able to shove the horrible memories and the harsh voice back into it’s box far in the back of his mind.

He coughed to clear his throat, wiped his face with the sleeves of Jeff’s pyjama top and took a deep breath.

“Yeah?” He called through the closed door. He was impressed with how steady he managed to keep his voice, pleased when it didn’t sound like he’d been crying to himself for the past 15 minutes.

“We’re almost ready for you on set, Norman!”

Norman shut his eyes and scrunched his face up. He couldn’t think of anything that he wanted to do less of right now than filming. What he really wanted right now was a warm hug, a kind touch, and a promise that he didn’t have to worry or stress over _anything_ ever again. More than anything, right now he wanted Jeff.

He choked back a sob again and shook his head in determination, shaking those thoughts away and pushing the harsh voice back again as it started to whisper cold, hard words at him for wanting such a thing.

“Uh… gimme half hour,” Norman grunted loudly before he pushed himself to his feet and wondered through his trailer, ignoring the complaints of the person on the other side telling him that they needed him _now_.

Norman rolled his eyes, muttering to himself about how they were going to have to wait. He needed to clean up and change and take this moment to compose himself. He slammed the door to the bathroom and sighed when he was alone again with his own thoughts.

He tried to busy himself, turning on the shower and letting it warm up as he stripped himself. He pulled the pyjama top off, over his head as he contemplated on how to return Jeff’s pyjamas without having to see the guy. If Norman saw him again, especially so soon, he didn’t know how he would react… he couldn’t chance it.

He pulled the pyjama trousers down and stepped out of them as he considered the possibility of leaving the sleep-clothes outside Jeff’s trailer in a neat pile for him to find after a day of filming. He put his hands against the underwear he was wearing, but froze when instead of cotton, his fingers wrapped around the unmistakable fluffy plastic of a disposable diaper.

“No!” He gasped, glancing down at the offending object wrapped snuggling around his groin and hips. There were blue bears and a mixture of pacifiers and rattles decorating the front of the diaper.

He had no doubt who had put this on him, and his face heated at the thought of Jeff having to clean him up, and over the fact that he’d seen him naked and vulnerable. How had he let himself stoop so low? It didn’t matter how much he wanted it and how right the diaper felt around his hips, he couldn’t have it.

For some reason, Norman pressed the diaper between his legs, but pulled away as quickly as if the plastic had burnt him. It was one thing to not even realise he’d been wearing a diaper, another to not realise that he’d _used_ the thing.

Only babies used diapers. And he wasn’t a baby. He couldn’t _allow_ himself to be a baby… it didn’t matter how much he wanted it or didn’t want it.

He sunk to his knees, the laminate flooring of the bathroom being cool on his skin. He hid his face in his hands and started to cry again, overcome with emotions.

He readied himself to hear the shrill tone and harsh words of his mother ripping into him, tearing him apart even more.

It didn’t come.

Instead, a deeper, calmer, soothing voice spoke just one word. One word that was kind, reassuring and full of love. One word that made him feel all warm and cosy inside, despite everything going on around him.

_“Bubba.”_


	3. Voicemail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome!!!!  
> Apologies for the slow update!! I can't promise an updating schedule as I would never stick to it!! I don't get very much time to write, so I just write what I can, when I can, so unfortunately this will mean either slow updates or 4 updates in a row some days!! Sorry!! Still, know that there will always be an update!! :D  
> Thanks for sticking through to this chapter though!! No doubt that there are currently mistakes and what-not. I will sort these tomorrow when I go through and do a final edit!! (There's always something that slips through!!)  
> I hope you all had a wonderful festive period and a great start to 2019!!
> 
> SMALL WARNING BEFORE WE CONTINUE - there is a mention of a considered suicide. This will not be an ongoing thing, it's just something mentioned in this chapter. If this is something that might affect you please carefully consider before reading this chapter!! Thank you!!

** Chapter 3 **

Jeff wasn’t surprised when for the third day running, he overheard the news that Norman was sick.

Jeff had no doubt that the Little was actively avoiding him wherever and whenever possible. The first morning after his drop, Norman had appeared on set as usual, but it was clear that something wasn’t right with him, even to those who didn’t know the man’s status, or what he had been through just that night. Jeff hadn’t liked that Norman had tried to come back to work as normal so soon after such a hard drop and was secretively pleased when the director sent him back to the hotel to get some rest. Since then, Norman had not stepped foot onto the set once; in fact, Jeff was pretty sure he’d stayed holed up in his hotel room the whole time. Norman evaded his calls and texts, nor had he answered the door the one-time Jeff had knocked, wanting to see if the guy was alright.

It hurt Jeff. Not because he was being ignored, but because it was obvious that Norman was dealing with some shit. The fact that he’d denied himself so long that his body had forced the drop, how he denied himself still when he came back around, how scared and obviously ashamed he’d been… Jeff’s heart really did go out to the guy. Jeff wanted desperately to help Norman, but Jeff was getting the message loud and clear that perhaps this was something that Norman had to sort through himself; as much as Jeff hated it, he respected that.

Jeff watched from afar as the director complained about being a main character down, _again_ , before he sat up straighter in his chair and announced that they would be filming a different scene than planned.

As the day rounded to a close, Jeff said his goodbyes to the rest of the cast and crew and then made his way back to his trailer. He hummed to himself, thoughts drifting once again to Norman as he walked across the set. He wondered whether the guy was close to a breakthrough yet, and when, if ever, he’d be ready to talk about what had happened between them.

As much as it pained Jeff that Norman had starved himself of a drop for so long that his body had forced one on him, Jeff had still enjoyed slipping into his own Caregiver headspace and taking care of the baby boy who had reached out for him in his time of need. He wanted to do it again, for Norman, if it was what Norman wanted too.

As he reached his trailer, he noticed a familiar pile of clothes on the top step just outside the door. He crouched down and reached out to touch the soft, freshly washed pyjamas. On top of the pile was a small, square piece of card.

_‘Thanks. – N.’_

Jeff let a small, sad smile grace his face as he picked up the card and thumbed over the familiar, hurried handwriting. Feeling warm all over, Jeff gathered the pyjamas in his hands and quickly made his way inside his trailer.

He chucked his keys onto the small table in the doorway and placed the pyjamas down next to them, gently. He took a moment to look over the small card again, as if waiting for more words to magically appear.

Without missing a beat, Jeff slid his cell out of his pocket and typed out a quick message.

_‘Thanks for returning my pyjamas. Hope you’re okay.’_

He put the phone down next to the blue sleepwear and the card, hoping that this time he might get a response.

-X-

Norman had officially been given some time off. Jeff didn’t know why or for how long, he just knew that at some point Norman had been on set and had spoken with the producers about having some time off.

There was talk of course, no body but the producers knew _why_ Norman was taking some time to himself. Jeff wasn’t sure thought that even the producers knew the real reason… Norman had hidden his status from everyone and had practically begged Jeff not to breath a word of it to anyone. It didn’t make sense why Norman would just suddenly open up to the producers about his status; no, Jeff was almost certain that they guy had come up with a different reason as to why he needed time off.

Course, that didn’t stop people from talking, speculating. Jeff had heard it all…

_“They say it’s a family emergency. His mum or something…”_

_“Been saying that boy needs a break for a while now…”_

_“He’s been running himself into the ground for as long as I’ve known him…”_

_“If he wasn’t a damn Neutral, I’d almost say he needs to visit his headspace man…”_

_“He’s under a lot of stress…”_

_“I heard that it’s depression…”_

That last one sadly might not be far from the truth. Jeff swallowed at the thought, wishing there was something he could do for his friend.

Jeff was constantly hammered about their co-stars sudden time-off. They all saw Jeff as Norman’s closes friend and automatically assumed this meant that Norman would have confined in Jeff and shared all his woes by default. Even though Jeff knew the reason (or at least, some of the reason), he maintained that he hadn’t a clue why Norman had decided to request some time off and suggested that maybe the guy just needed some space for a while.

Jeff hadn’t reached out to Norman since the text, thanking him for returning his pyjamas. He’d figured that the guy really did need some space and while he was preaching it to everyone else, he knew that he needed to adhere to it as well. He was Norman’s friend and didn’t want to push him too far, in case he pushed him away.

Sometimes though, Jeff wondered whether it was the right thing to do. Maybe Norman needed someone to lay down the ground rules and almost literally, physically pull him out of whatever mess he was in… but Jeff was quite certain that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He was a good Caregiver, god damn it, and he was good at reading Little’s. He just hoped he was right with this one.

If Norman wanted space, Jeff could give it to him, no problem – even though it tore him up inside, thinking of the Little having to deal with this all alone. He didn’t want to storm into the poor things hotel room and start asserting his dominance if it was the wrong thing to do… it would set Norman back even further and make the guy resent him.

Still, the thought that his Caregiver could be wrong this time about knowing what Norman needed, niggled at him constantly. He was pretty certain he was doing the right thing, but there was always the nugget of nagging doubt in the back of his mind that questioned his instincts. Jeff had to fight hard to ignore it some nights.

His mind was buzzing with uncertainty as he was driven back to the hotel, almost a week after Norman had knocked on his door and crashed into his headspace. He thanked the driver, thoughts still elsewhere as he got out the car and made his way into the hotel. He barely acknowledged some crew members he recognised, camera men if he was correct, sharing the elevator with him.

As he walked down the long hotel corridor towards his own room, he passed a very familiar door. He paused, unable to take another step, slowly turning towards the heavy, expensive wood.

Door 408.

He closed his eyes, unable to stop the picture of Norman sitting in the middle of his bed, sobbing into his knees, that flashed into his mind.

Jeff barely suppressed his own sob, having to bite down on his bottom lip pretty hard to stop it from escaping. He felt utterly helpless out here, not being able to help in any way. He took a shuddery breath, looking up and down the corridor to make sure he was in the clear before raising his fist, ready to knock on the door.

But he didn’t.

He hovered his hand, inches from the wood. His hand was shaking slightly, and he felt the tears well in his eyes.

“God damn it!” He cursed under his breath. The balls of his palms rubbed at his eyes stubbornly before he took a step closer to the door. He let his forehead rest against the door, silently, so not, to alert the occupant inside that someone was right outside. “I’m sorry Norman.”

It took a lot of will power on Jeff’s part to pull himself in, shut the door and flick the lock. Then the tears started.

He didn’t walk any further into the room, simply because he couldn’t make his feet take another step. Instead he slid down the door until he was sat on the floor. He placed his head in his hands and wiped desperately at his wet eyes.

He wasn’t afraid to cry, even if he so rarely did it. But knowing that his friend was dealing with so much and was suffering through every second of it alone really got to him. He felt worthless, hopeless, incompetent. He didn’t know whether staying away was helping or making things worse, and Norman wouldn’t even reach out to let him know.

He was so worried about Norman, in every sense of the word. Norman was his friend. One of the best. And Norman was breaking down right in front of him, refusing to let anyone near enough to help patch him back together again.

It had taken every bit of strength to turn from his friends door and walk away. He was starting to regret it though and had to remind himself that he had done the right thing. Norman was crumbling and needed someone to be strong for him, someone he could lean against… knocking on Norman’s door, trying to talk to him in Jeff’s current frame of mind wouldn’t be fair on the Little.

Jeff took a deep breath, scrubbed his face roughly with his hands and slowly got back to his feet.

He was going to shower, get some grub inside of him, compose himself and then he was going to reach out to Norman again. Just a phone call. A phone call was probably not as daunting as someone knowing on your door. And even if the call went unanswered, as was the norm as of late, Jeff wouldn’t even mind too much… at least the phone call would let Norman know that Jeff was still thinking about him.

-X-

When the phone rang, Norman had jumped. The upbeat melody and lyrics to _‘Easy Street’_ let him know instantaneously who was calling. The ringtone was set for only one caller, a little joke between themselves as a nudge to their two characters.

It usually put a smile on his face, but this time he just couldn’t muster one up. Instead, he grunted, reaching over and switching the phone to silent, halting the song mid-chorus. He had heard the song so many times in the past week that he felt like he could almost relate to poor Daryl locked away in that cell at the beginning of Season 7.

He watched the called ID flash silently on his phone screen for another minute. Jeff hadn’t rung in a few days actually; and while Norman was grateful for that, he also hadn’t realised how comforting getting those phone calls were. Just knowing that someone was out there, thinking about him and not judging him for who he was, who he _really_ , was. And it meant a hell of a lot to him… even if he never did answer the calls. Maybe though….

Norman snatched the phone into his hand before he could change his mind. He pressed his finger against the answer button, but as he did, the phone cut off and the call went to answerphone. Norman could have screamed and threw the cell across the room. Instead though, he just threw it to the end of the large bed and threw himself back against the too soft mattress with a pitiful whine.

He curled up into himself and hid his face in the pillow, not even attempting to stop the tears that fell this time. He tried to ignore the memory of his mothers shrieking, shrill voice telling him to stop being such a baby and instead tried searching deep inside himself for the courage to pick the phone back up and return Jeff’s call.

But he couldn’t. He hated himself for it. He hated himself, period.

After that single thought, the voice of his mother got suddenly louder, shouting every horrible thing at him that she could, and Norman couldn’t hold back the flood of emotions any longer.

He cried, noisily and ugly. He slammed his fist repeatedly to the mattress and used the pillow to muffle his loud, hatred filled screams.

Once he got all the anger and frustration out of his system, he just laid there sobbing his heart out to himself until he finally succumbed to sleep, out of sheer exhaustion.

-X-

The morning sun broke through a crack in the heavy, blackout curtains. The slighter or bright, almost white light, danced over Norman’s face, dragging him out of sleep with a deep, guttural groan of despair.

He cracked open a single eye and cursed when the evil ray of sunshine blinded him. He cursed, flinging an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the light. The sudden, abrupt movement made him aware of an intense pounding against his skull. He knew within seconds that he wasn’t going back to sleep. Moving slowly, hissing and spitting curses, he managed to move to the edge of the bed without chucking up his guts.

He whined low, scrubbing at his face as he tried to get a better holding of his bearings. The migraine that he was currently suffering with was actually really disorientating. He felt like he had been hit by a truck going 100mph, 100 times over. His face was tight and sticky from all the snot and tears, that last night he hadn’t cared about. His eyes were crusty and dry, and when he ran his hands through his hair parts were matted together, partly from snot and tears and partly from lack of brushing over the past week. He was also 90% sure that he was going to throw up at any moment.

Grumbling something inaudible, Norman pushing himself off the bed and gradually started towards the dressed where everything he currently needed was kept. He grabbed a glass and filled it half with water. He blinked slowly as he popped two painkillers out of their packet. For a moment he stopped and surveyed the two boxes of painkillers on the dresser. Surely there was enough there to take an overdose… he knew there was another strop in his day bag… that would ensure the job was finished.

He jerked back to himself, gagging at just the thought of killing himself. He didn’t _want_ that! He didn’t have the guts to do it! The more he thought about it the more he hated himself for even thinking it. His life was crap, sure, and he wished that it could be so much easier than it was, but he couldn’t end it… didn’t _want_ to end it! Because between all the crap, his life had some good things that he didn’t want to give up. His career, his friends… Jeff…

The thought of Jeff made him remember the phone call from last night. He glanced over his shoulder, trying to spot the cell phone between the blankets. There was bound to be a voicemail – Jeff always left a voicemail. He tipped his head back, took the two required painkillers in hops to shift his pounding headache, downed the rest of the water before moving back towards the bed.

Ruffling through the sheets almost desperately, it took him a few minutes to find the phone. He breathed a sigh of relief as he clutched it in his hand. Perching on the edge of the bed, he took a moment to gather himself, and the courage he needed to dial his voicemail.

The pulsing ringing tone sounded a few times before the automated voice sounded announcing 1 new message, and 18 old messages. Each one was from Jeff, everyone else’s messages got deleted… but sometimes, Norman liked to listen to Jeff’s voice. The automated voice prompted him to press a button, and Norman quickly pressed ‘1’ to listen to the new message.

The automated voice reeled off the number and time of the call before playing the message. And then Jeff’s voice came out of the speaker, making a sense of calm fall over Norman instantly. He fell still as he listened, barely even breathing as Jeff’s voice washed over him.

 _“Hi Norman. It’s Jeff… again. But you, uh, you probably know that already.”_ There was a slight pause, a bit of ruffling from the other end and then Jeff started speaking again. _“I uh… man… I’m sorry. I don’t even know if you listen to these. It wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve blocked my number or something considering you’re probably annoyed with me calling so much.”_

Norman shook his head slightly, clutching the phone to his ear, even though this was a voicemail, and Jeff couldn’t see him. If anything, he lived for Jeff’s voicemails.

_“I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you. I’ve sort of admitted that you’re avoiding me. Please don’t feel guilty about that, I can understand why. I don’t blame you even for a second. You’ve got a lot going on, a lot to sort through._

_I may be mistaken, but your body forced that drop on you that night when you came to me a week ago. I got the impression that your Little Side is a side you keep well hidden from everyone, and maybe even from yourself. I’m not going to pretend I know how, or why. What you must have been through, what you must go through on a day-to-day basis must be scary and I admire you for your perseverance and courage to carry on. I cannot even begin to_ imagine _what you’re going through Norm. But I want you to know that I support you 100%, through it all. The good, the bad, the ugly… and all that crap…”_

Jeff paused again, for longer this time. There was sniffing, and for a moment, Norman wondered whether the guy was crying, but when he spoke again Jeff’s voice was steady, calm, understanding and strong… it was everything Norman needed right now.

_“I know that you need your space, to sort through and work everything out. And that’s okay; completely, and utterly okay. But please Norman, **please** ; know that I’m available for a chat anytime, day or night. About anything! Seriously, it doesn’t have to be about anything you might be working through right now! “And I swear that I’m not just saying this because you’re a Little and I’m a Caregiver. Norman, I’m saying all of this, as your friend!”_

Norman smiled sadly and didn’t move to wipe the tears that had started to slowly fall from his eyes.

_“I’m not going to lie to your Norm, I absolutely loved caring for you when you came to me that night. I’ve temporarily cared for other Little’s over the past, but with you it felt different… it felt right. And I know you weren’t in the best of minds when you came to me, before your dropped, but I am proud, and honoured that you felt that you could trust me, over everyone else, to share that special, venerable moment with you. Seriously. I just… I hope I did well by you, Norman… that I helped you in some small way.”_

Norman nodded again, the tears forming a lump in his throat. When he had left Jeff’s trailer that morning, he had been scared. It wasn’t that he didn’t _want_ it, it was that he couldn’t let himself want it. It had been decades since he had allowed himself to drop as deep as he had that night. And he thought that it was going to be easy enough to overcome it after so long… but it wasn’t. Norman had been holed up in his hotel room for almost a week now, not stepping out even once, or barely opening the door wide enough to accept the room service he rarely ordered, and he felt like he hadn’t made any improvement. If anything, he felt worse about the whole thing.

_“I would like to care for you like that again, Norman, really; I would only do so if it was what you wanted. But do you know what I’d like, more than anything? I’d love to still be your best friend! I’d love that more than anything in the whole world! And I know that sounds fucking cheesy, man, but I mean it with all of my heart!”_

Norman couldn’t stop the stupid smile that lit up his face, or the tears that still fell from his face. As much as they were tears, they were not tears of sadness, nor had they been throughout the whole of this voicemail.

_“Man, I miss you. I miss you something terrible. I still want to laugh with you and make inappropriate jokes with you. I still want to join you on stage at con’s, and in interviews and of course, I still want to be partners in crime with you too. I want to be just like we were! And the reason I want all of this, is because I love you man, for who you are! I don’t care what your status is; it doesn’t make you any less of a person, and it doesn’t make you any less my friend!”_

Norman couldn’t choke back the sob. No one _ever,_ had said that to him. It made him think that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have to be so ashamed of his Status.

_“So, when you’re ready, I’ll be ready. Take your time._

_I love you man.”_

The voicemail ended and the automated voice started up again.

The voicemail had given Norman a newfound hope. It had lifted his spirits and he it made him feel warm and appreciated.

When the automated voice prompted him to make his decision, Norman pressed number 1.

The voicemail started again.

_“Hi Norman. It’s Jeff…”_

-X-

A few days passed in much the same fashion as the last week had. They continued to film without Norman, and his absence was becoming increasingly felt, in every sense of the word. Not just to Jeff, but to others too.

People were still speculating as to why Norman was still off, and the longer he was away the more absurd they’re claims became! Jeff was still questioned, almost daily on their co-star’s mysterious time off, as if they thought Norman might just suddenly open up to him, and that he’d break his best friend’s trust by telling them all about it! He told them the same thing every day: _“Sorry to disappoint – but I’ve got the same answer as yesterday. I don’t know.”_

Jeff hadn’t contacted Norman again since he’d left the voicemail. He had no idea if Norman had actually listened to it, but it had been quite the message. If he had listened to the whole thing, it probably gave the poor guy some things to think about. Jeff just hoped that how truthful he’d been about everything had come across as he had hoped.

As he finished up in make-up, Monday morning, he was solemn. He was really missing his friend. Today felt worse than ever, and he wasn’t completely sure why. It had been ages since they’d gone so long without seeing each other – working so closely together meant they practically leaved out of the other’s pocket. Jeff was starting to feel like he had a piece missing – however couply and cliché that sounded!

As he walked onto set, he noticed a buzz around the place. It was just his luck that everyone seemed to be more upbeat the very day he felt crap. He would bet that the happy mood everyone was in was to do with someone brining in donuts for the break room, which would usually make Jeff a little happier too; but today he just wasn’t feeling it.

There was a gentle tap on his shoulder, startling him. He spun round on the spot. He froze when he realised just exactly who it was stood there.

“Norman?”

“Hi Jeff.”

Jeff laughed slightly, almost unable to believe what he was seeing. On a day where he was missing his best friend more than anything and here he was, right in front of him. He was unable to stop himself and threw his arms around the guy.

Norman laughed, and the sounds was so sweet, but he happily returned the hug. Jeff quickly pulled back, holding Norman at arm’s length. He laughed again, but kindly, feeling so excited all of a sudden.

“Hi! How are you?”

“I’m good! I’m good!” Norman promised, a huge smile on his face, finding Jeff’s happiness contagious. He was just as pleased to see Jeff as well. “Well, I’m doing a lot better than I was.”

“Good!” Jeff beamed, feeling relief at getting the spoken confirmation. He could see how true it was to – things might not be completely better, but that they were better than they were.

Around them, it felt like the world had fallen quiet and all that mattered in that moment was the two of them.

“Your message helped,” Norman explained softly, barely whispering the words as if scared he might be overheard. “Really. It helped a lot. I don’t think I’d be here today without it. Thank you.”

“Norm, I’m so, so, so, so pleased to hear that! I wanted nothing more than to just help you! I’m glad I was able to!” Jeff wanted to wrap Norman in his arms are rock him, but he didn’t think the guy would appreciate that right now. And besides just having him here meant more than the world right now. “I honestly didn’t know whether you’d listen to it.”

“I listened to every message, Jeff,” Norman grinned. “It helped more than I can even explain. Seriously. Thank you.”

“Like I said, Norm – anytime, day or night, for _whatever_ , I’m here!”

“Thank you. It means a lot. And for what it’s worth, I’ve missed you.”

“It’s good to have you back, man. I’ve missed you too!”


	4. Rumours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! Apologies for taking so long to get this out!!  
> This is just a short chapter, needed to get where I need them to be!!  
> Thanks for all the lovely kudos and comments and bookmarks!! You guys are amazing!!  
> Hope you enjoy it!!!!

Chapter 4

To the outside eye, nothing had happened between Jeff and Norman. No one knew about that night; no one knew that Norman was a Little; and everyone seemed to think that Jeff and Norman’s friendship was stronger than ever.

Norman was very pleased with all of this. His cover was still intact. His life was still worth living.

The only thing that had made him a little uneasy were the rumours going around that Jeff had found a Little while Norman had ‘been away’. When Norman had asked Andy about it all further, the man had just shrugged and explained that apparently Jeff had phoned Steven one night begging for him to bring diapers.

Norman had paled at the story. He knew the diapers Jeff had had to request from Steven must have been for him; unless Jeff actually was a Daddy to another Little.

His heart squeezed almost painfully at that thought, but he didn’t have long to ponder over it, as Andy continued his gossiping. Jeff was remaining stubborn and wasn’t giving away any other information on his Little. According to Andy though, Jeff certainly had that Daddy glow about him all of a sudden, so this Little had to be a recent thing.

Jeff had been so good with him though. Norman had been back on set for almost a week now, and he’d not pushed Norman or asked him any questions about his Status or anything, even while they were alone. He didn’t pull any Caregiver stunts on him or even try to baby him. In fact, everything between them was pretty normal, given the circumstances.

Their friendship had definitely been strained for the first few days, but Norman knew that was mainly his fault. He’d been a little quiet and not always his usual, happy self and he hadn’t been sure how he should act around Jeff. Jeff too, had been unsure, scared that he might say or do something that would send Norman running for the hills. That was something that Jeff didn’t want, or Norman for that matter. But no one else had seemed to pick up on the slight tension between then and eventually this allowed the two to slip almost back to normal.

Norman knew that Jeff had questions and things he wanted to talk about. He did kind of deserve them, but Norman didn’t have the courage to talk about it all just yet. He was still fighting an inner batter; his mother’s voice ringing in his mind, no matter what he did during the day. The only time he didn’t hear her was when he was filming; she wasn’t a part of Daryl’s life and so it was easy to keep her out. He wished it was that easy to control her when he took the costume off.

One evening, Norman was walking across the set, heading to his trailer when he noticed Jeff. He waved his hand in greeting and smiled wide. He always got this happy, bubbly feeling whenever he saw Jeff now, but he didn’t think much of it, putting it down to how kind and supportive Jeff had been throughout all of this.

_“_ _Nasty. How can you let yourself rely on someone else like that? You_ _’_ _re a man for Christ sake, not a baby. Grow up bitch._ _”_

The words were words his mother had said to his face before, and he cringed back as the memory flashed before his eyes. He could almost feel the stinging of the slap 15 year-old him had received that night.

Jeff was walking over to him, his huge smile falling when he saw the face Norman pulled and the way he flinched back as if he’d been hit.

“Norman?” Jeff asked, quickening his steps. “Are you okay?”

When Norman looked back up again, his eyes met with brown ones, swimming with pure concern. Norman realised that this wasn’t Caregiver Jeff, or Daddy Jeff looking at him like this, it was his friend. And this is what made him take a deep breath and push back at the place where his mother resided inside of him.

He wasn’t going to let her stop him from doing this. He sucked up the courage, nodding his head once, twice, before whispering his words so quiet that he thought Jeff hadn’t heard him.

“Can we talk?”

Jeff smiled, almost shyly, but not once did he slip into Caregiver mode. He was just Norman’s friend, and that’s all Norman wanted. It might not have been what he needed, but he wasn’t quite ready for a Daddy just yet.

“Of course,” Jeff nodded. “Always.”

Norman nodded in thanks, biting back the tears and struggling hard to ignore the screaming of his mother.

Jeff followed dutifully behind Norman as the man led him through to his trailer.

“You want a drink?” Norman asked, voice still quiet and slightly high-pitched.

Jeff smiled fondly as he took an offered seat on the couch. He found Norman’s behaviour highly endearing and had to hold back his coos.

“Just a water if that’s okay?”

Norman nodded quickly and scampered over to the sink, turning the tap on too fast and splashing water everywhere.

Jeff didn’t say anything, not wanting to step on Norman’s toes. The other man was still sorting through a lot of things, and it had clearly taken a lot of courage for him to finally ask to talk to someone. Jeff didn’t want to come across as being commanding or too worrying, in case it made Norman feel like he was trying to belittle him or call him incompetent.

It was a battle that Jeff had been contending with for the past week. It was hard to keep the balance steady between being a friend and being too friendly.

Norman cursed at the spilt water, and Jeff bit his tongue. He desperately wanted to sooth the boy and tell him that it was fine – just water… it could be mopped up. But it was something a Daddy would say to their Little, and he couldn’t do that! He didn’t know if it was something Norman wanted, and he wouldn’t force it on him like that.

Norman grabbed a cloth and dried around the edge of the glass.

“Here,” He uttered, voice gruff and Daryl-sounding as he handed the water over to his guest.

Jeff took it with a small thanks and took a healthy gulp, watching as Norman returned to the kitchenette and mopped up the rest of the water with the cloth.

Norman sat himself on the couch opposite Jeff, sweating and clearly nervous. Jeff was going to take this at his pace; whatever the Little was going to come out with was important, at least to him, and clearly took a lot of guts. Jeff was going to give Norman all the time in the world.

“I…” Norman started. He took a shuddery breath and twiddled his thumbs. “Andy said you have a Little?”

Jeff let his eyes go wide for a second, before forcing his features to relax. He knew this, after all he was hammered for details every day, by everyone. It just wasn’t something he thought Norman was going to confront him about.

“Yeah. That’s what the rumours are saying,” He smiled, keeping his tone light.

“Is it true?”

The utter heartbreak in Norman’s voice hit Jeff deep. This was clearly something Norman had thought a lot about, and it was bothering him. Jeff had an idea as to why; Norman thought that it was connected to him somehow.

“No,” Jeff reassured, voice kind and truthful.

“But Andy said you called Steven…”

“I did.”

“For diapers.”

“I did.”

Norman paused. His heart was racing at a thousand beats a minute and he could only take shallow breaths.

“They were for me?”

“They were,” Jeff nodded. He saw the look of horror pass over Norman’s face and he took a breath before calmly explaining what had happened. “Please don’t hate me, Norm… I had to do it. You were so deep in your head that there was no consoling you. All I could do was hold you and guide you through it. When you lost control…”

Norman groaned in embarrassment and hid his face in his hands.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of Norman; I don’t think anything less of you for it, okay?” Jeff reassured his friend before continuing. “When you lost control, I called Steven. I asked for diapers. I didn’t have any because I don’t have a Little of my own yet. I couldn’t not care for you in your time of need, Norm; I hope you can understand that.”

It took a moment, but Norman slowly nodded. He did understand, and actually he was rather grateful for it.

“Did he see?”

“Who? Steven? Did Steven see you?” Jeff watched Norman and waited for a small nod of the head. “No, Norman. I wouldn’t do that to you. I know we hadn’t made a pact not to say anything at that point, but it wasn’t my secret to tell. I laid you on the rug in my room before I answered the door. He didn’t see anything, I swear.”

After a pause, Jeff added.

“The only thing I did let slip was that it was ‘my Little’ and that my Little was a ‘he’. And that’s where all the rumours have stemmed from. Yes, they’ve stemmed from you, but I’ve done my damned hardest to keep them away from your scent.”

“Thank you,” Norman hurried. “Thank you, thank you.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Norm,” Jeff hushed, letting his fingers dance around the edge of the glass, just so they had something to do. “You asked me not to say, and I didn’t; I won’t. You let me know when you’re ready to come out, and I’ll support you all the way. If you’re never ready? That’s fine too.”

Norman wiped at his stinging eyes. He smiled wetly over at his friend.

“What did I do to deserve someone like you, Jeff?” He chuckled, nodding his head again.

“What are friends for, eh?” Jeff laughed back.

Neither one of them said anything for a moment, both just enjoying each other’s company. The silence wasn’t awkward or strained, but Jeff could tell that Norman wanted to talk about something else. So, the older man decided not to strike up a conversation and give Norman chance to speak up in his own time.

Jeff had finished his water by the time Norman found the courage. But that was fine; this was all a huge deal to the closeted-Little and Jeff was eager to take it as his pace.

“I uh…” Norman stumbled over his words for a few moments before he took a deep breath and started again. Jeff didn’t push him, or laugh at him, he just waited patiently, for which the other man was pleased about. “The voicemail you left me… I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

“Oh?” Jeff was pleasantly surprised. He smiled wide.

“Yeah. It’s what got me to finally come back to work.”

“I’m really glad to hear that. You know, every word I said was and still is true?”

“Yeah,” Norman breathed, jogging his leg up in down in nervousness. “It’s what I needed to hear. It’s what I needed full stop. I never actually got around to replying though.”

Jeff kept quiet, smiling softly in encouragement. Norman was doing so well, and he wanted to praise him so badly, but knew with how against his status Norman seemed to be that it could backfire on him.

“I want all of that too. I want everything to go back to the way it was – I want nothing to change between us. I want us to be friends, partners in crime and all that crap. I want you to be my friend because you want to be, and not just because you feel sorry for me because I’m a Little.”

Jeff was so ecstatic with this news that he couldn’t stop the happy laugh that bubbled from inside of him. He sat up straighter and leant forward, resting his arms on his legs and looking Norman straight in the eye.

“I want that more than anything too.”

Jeff received a huge smile in return.

For about half an hour, they relaxed some and just chatted about this, that and everything. It was the first time since Norman dropped that the two have had chance to catch up properly. It was nice.

When they reached a lull in their conversation, the air shifted, and Jeff could see how Norman became apprehensive once more.

“I’m really sorry for just turning up on your doorstep and dropping like that.”

“Norm…”

“I know. You’ve said that it wasn’t a problem. I still feel like I gotta apologise though. To just throw that on you, if it wasn’t what you wanted. It was selfish of me.”

“No Norman. Never. It wasn’t. You were in need. You were in no way a burden and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. You’re my friend Norm. I’ve always told you that I’d be there for you no matter what. And that was a ‘no matter what’ situation. I just hope I did good by you that night. That I helped in some way.”

Norman sucked his tongue between his teeth, closed his eyes to hide the stinging of fresh tears and took a moment to compose himself before continuing.

“You did. You really did. I know I left in such a hurry the next morning, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt as good coming out of a drop as I did that day.”

Jeff watched Norman carefully, making sure that his body language was open, calm and reassuring, welcoming and kind. It’s what Norman needed right now, and Jeff could be that for him.

Jeff couldn’t help but consult his ever-growing list of unanswered questions about Norman and his Status. It was heart-breaking to see him so utterly broken sometimes that Jeff could only imagine what had happened to the poor guy. He had bottled all these questions up inside of him, because he had a feeling that asking Norman for answers wasn’t going to get him anywhere with the Little. Nor would it be fair.

Norman just looked him over carefully, as if he could see every single question flitting across Jeff’s face. He shook his head.

“I’m sorry Jeff. I know you’ve got a tonne of questions about it all. But I can’t answer them for you. Not yet at least. I can’t… I can’t relive it all.”

“Hey,” Jeff hushed, standing from the couch and wriggling his way around the small coffee table between them to sit next to his friend. He was careful to keep his Caregiver instincts wrapped up, even though he could see that Norman was closer to a drop that he probably knew. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m not going to pester you for information, or demand answers. You’re my friend first and if you don’t want to tell me anything, I respect that. One hundred percent.”

Norman nodded his gratefulness, unable to stop one or two tears from trickling down his cheeks, leaving shiny tracks in their wake. Jeff was so close now that all he wanted to do was fall into his chest for a hug; last time he’d done that though – he’d dropped, and so instead he settled just for being close to the Caregiver.

Jeff thought back to that night. He’d always been certain that Norman denied himself dropping, but it was clearly a lot worse than Jeff had first thought. Norman had denied himself so much that his body had forced such a hard drop on him that the Little could barely remember anything from that night. It was shocking and saddening. It broke Jeff’s heart right in two. He had no doubt that Norman was still repressing his Little side and had no plans to let it out soon… and before they knew it, history would be repeating itself all over again, except probably a lot sooner than any of them expected.

How long had Norman been denying himself in the first place? Months? Years? Had it always been this way? The thought scared Jeff so much that he could feel his heartrate pick up instantly. The health risks that came with prolonged periods of time without dropping, for any Status. Jeff had to breach the subject – he _had_ to. As Norman’s friend he just wanted to make sure that he was healthy.

“Norm…” He spoke around the lump of tears that had formed in his own throat. It was so scary, the thought of losing his friend this way. It was what made him bypass the fact that this question might very well upset Norman and send him running, and just come straight out and ask him. “I’m not asking for much… but please, hear me out?”

Norman could hear the underlying begging, and his Little side wanted desperately to sooth this Caregiver. He shook those thoughts away, nodding slowly to show Jeff that he was listening.

“Norm, it’s really not good to keep it all locked up. People have died from not letting themselves drop. I can’t lose you, dude…”

Norman said nothing. He had no idea what Jeff was going to ask… probably something about finding a Caregiver, or something like that. He was ready to shut Jeff down, his counterpoints on the tip of his tongue; Jeff had no idea what he’d been through! He had no idea why Norman was like this and so had no right to tell him what he needed to do… But for some reason, he said nothing. He didn’t want to shout all these things at Jeff and upset him so. All Jeff was doing was trying to be nice to him, worrying over him and his safety.

And wasn’t that a foreign feeling? Someone worrying over him. Someone that didn’t want him dead. It made him sit silently and wait for Jeff to continue.

“I won’t force you to, if you really don’t want to, but please. I think it would be best if you went and saw a Doctor. You need to… _I_ need to know that you’re okay, physically. There’s so much shit repressing all this can do to you and it’s scaring me Norman. I’m so scared.”

The two of them were crying now, like a bunch of girls who had just been rejected by their crush.

Norman knows that Jeff is right. He can’t deny that the idea has been bugging him for several years now, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. If he went to the Doctor’s, he’d be subjected to so many tests only to be told he’s on deaths door, and he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to hear that. Not only that, but then people would know… and he’d have to face people knowing… he wasn’t ready for that either, not by a long way.

“I… I can’t…” Norman sobbed. “Jeff, I just can’t… People; they’d know. I… you’re the only person who knows. Please Jeff…”

Jeff persisted a little, trying to convince Norman that this is what was best for him. But when it came down to it, if Norman really didn’t want to go, Jeff wasn’t going to force him to do anything. He couldn’t. Norman wasn’t his Little, so he had no rights over the boy, and it wasn’t fair for him to get other people involved without Norman’s permission… it would crush the guy.

“We can find someone trustworthy. Find a lawyer. Get them to write up a contract. One that ensures they both keep their mouths shut. None of this would go public. They would be the only people that knew; the lawyer and the Doctor. Please Norman; this is so, so, so, _so_ important…”

Norman took another shuddery breath, ran his hands down his face and jogged his whole body out of pure nervousness. He was a wreck, that much was true… he always was. He wondered whether there really was something going on with him. And as much as he couldn’t bare someone else knowing about him and facing the possibility of a death sentence after some tests, Norman actually considered it all.

He looked over Jeff out of the corner of his eye. Could see the upmost concern written all over his face and body language. This was something that Jeff wanted for him.

Norman took in a deep breath. Something that had stopped him from seeking medical help before had been his mother. She was always screaming to him about how no one would help him because of his Status… that he wasn’t worth the medical resources. They would just leave him to die. And those screams scared the crap out of him. But now… his mother’s voice was silent.

 _Hang on._ His mother’s voice was silent. He couldn’t feel or hear her anywhere. He was currently free of her. And then he thought back to previous times since his drop, when he’d been with Jeff and he started to see a pattern. When he was with the Caregiver, her voice was non-existent. Just the mere presence of Jeff banished her from Norman’s mind. And that gave Norman the power he needed.

He looked at Jeff, a small, confident spark in his eye.

“Will you come with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question: would you like to see Jeff and Norman enter a relationship???? Like, their Little/Caregiver relationship would be purely non-sexual and stuff, but how about a 'big' relationship???? There wouldn't be much focus on it, but I've written up the chapter plans for the rest of this story and there's a relationshipy bit that I've written in that WOULD work, but the story would read absolutely fine without it. So I thought I would consult you guys and see what you all think!! Let me know!!!!


	5. The Appointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your comments on the last chapter, it makes me so eager and excited to write more knowing that so many of you are enjoying this!!!!  
> This chapter went as planned.... until the end. Then it veered off in a completely different direction than i planned, but it works!! Only thing now is I gotta go and slightly alter the plan for the rest of the story BECAUSE of it!! (So don't be surprised if the chapter count goes up!!) ;)  
> I am a bit nervous about this chapter though, so *fingers crossed*
> 
> i have edited this, but i don't doubt that there may be a few little mistakes that slipped through - so don't be worried to point them out to me so I can fix them!! Thank you!!
> 
> SMALL WARNING BEFORE YOU CONTINUE READING: Panic attacks and *kinda* flashbacks. (you'll see what I mean)

** Chapter 5 **

Getting the contract drafted up hadn’t been a problem, and with a pretty penny, Jeff had managed to get it rushed through. The lawyer had been quick, professional and hadn’t asked any unnecessary questions. Norman had wanted to read it through before anyone signed it, to make sure there were no loop holes (although, Jeff was pretty sure that Norman didn’t actually understand any of the legal mumble-jumble and just wanted to make sure that the contract  clearly laid out that no one was allowed to mention his Status outside of professional appointments with him) and then the lawyer had signed it with the promise to forget any of it ever happened as soon as they walked out of his office. Jeff tipped him generously.

The next job was getting a Dr on board. Norman asked Jeff to deal with it all, for which the Caregiver was more than willing. It didn’t take long to find someone who looked great.

Dr Beatrice Byrne. She had great qualifications, fantastic credentials and rave reviews. She was a Little Specialist and worked specifically with Little’s who repressed themselves.

Before he made contact with her though, Jeff sat down with Norman. He thought this woman was perfect, but Norman might not think so. And although Norman had given him permission to sort it all out, he didn’t want his friend to think he had taken over and wasn’t giving him a choice.

 _“I think I’ve found someone.”_ Jeff had explained, almost giddy but forcing himself to be calm. He showed Norman a picture of Dr Byrne, but the Little had freaked. Jeff had quickly put the photograph away and moved to comfort the other man. Norman had sobbed into his knees and begged Jeff;

 _“Not a woman. Please, God; not a woman!_ ”

Jeff hadn’t asked any questions, respected Norman’s wishes and crossed off all the female Dr’s from his small list of possible candidates. He felt awful for unintentionally causing so much stress and upset; Jeff didn’t exactly know _why_ Norman was against a woman, but from the look of horror and downright, raw terror on his face, it had to have something to do with just _why_ Norman was like this. It broke Jeff’s heart all over again.

So, Jeff started looking again. He couldn’t seem to find someone that he liked the look and sound of as much as he’d liked Dr Byrne. That is until he thought of Dr Harrington.

Dr Harrington was the best of the best, and Jeff wondered why he hadn’t thought of the man before. Dr Harrington had been his own Dr for some time now, and Jeff trusted him with everything, and that now included Norman. The man didn’t specialise in Little’s specifically, but he was trained in them on the side and that was good enough for him.

He sat down with Norman again, could see how much more nervous Norman was this time, as if he was scared Jeff hadn’t held out on his promise not to get a female Doctor. Jeff tried not to let his own concern show, as he too was anxious about how Norman would react, due to last time. But neither of them had anything to worry about.

Jeff had shown Norman a picture of the Dr, and his credentials – spoke about his own experience with the man (which seemed to go a lot further than some pretty certificate) and asked the Little if this was a Dr he would consider seeing. It was.

Norman gave Jeff his blessing to contact the man, but made Jeff promise not to give the Dr his name or anything that might identify him until the Dr had signed the contract.

Getting in contact with the Dr was no problem at all, and Jeff had arranged a meeting for the very next day.

Over the years, Jeff and Dr Walter Harrington had built up quite the professional friendship. When Jeff explained a little about the situation, the man could see why Jeff was worried. He tried asking Jeff questions any Dr would ask their patient in a similar situation, but the Caregiver just couldn’t answer them, simply because he didn’t know the answer to them himself, nor was it fair to; even if he did know the how’s and why’s, they weren’t his questions to answer.

And then Jeff showed the Dr the contract and explained it a bit. It didn’t go down too well.

“Are you serious?”

“Walt, please,” Jeff begged. “This is serious. He’s a closeted Little, who’s been through so much shit and trauma in his life that he’s repressed his Status so much that it’s a wonder he’s still functioning!”

“Jeff, this contract is standard patient confidentiality! I have never _once_ broken that law, and I don’t plan to now! You asking me to sign that is unfair and a question of my practice!”

“Walt. Before I contacted you, I found a specialist Little Dr, who deals with these types of cases all the time. She was a woman. I showed the Little a picture of her and he had a full-blown panic attack. Because she was a _woman_. There was literally no other reason. Now I don’t know everything; hell, I know next to nothing; but all I did was show him a picture of a woman – that speaks to me, Walt. He was terrified. He _is_ terrified; about almost everything. As far as I know, he’s always hidden his Status. Walt – he’s in the public eye, he’s so damn worried what’ll happen if the public find out. He won’t see anyone because he’s terrified and because he’s so damned worried that someone will let it slip.”

The Dr opened his mouth to continue, but Jeff carried on before the other man could get any words out.

“I know you abide by confidentiality; most Dr’s do…”

“Those that don’t are _not_ Doctor’s,” The greying man spat.

“I agree. But Walt… this contract is the Little’s lifeline. He needs to see a Dr, but he won’t until he has proof that they’re not going to go blabbing. He wants to be trusting, but with what he’s been through, with him being in the public-eye like he is, he can’t be. I’m not making you sign this because I can’t trust you, Walt. In fact, it’s just the opposite; I’m asking you to sign this _because_ I trust you. If the Little doesn’t get this contract signed by a Dr, he’s not going to see anyone and he’s just going to dig himself into an early grave. Please Walt… this is important to him!”

Dr Harrington watched Jeff carefully and could tell that this really was something that both Jeff and the Little needed. He was never not going to sign the contract, even if just for the Little’s peace of mind. By the sound of it, this little was in desperate need of help and Walt couldn’t deny him… whoever he was.

He was just slightly horrified that this Little needed such an obvious reassurance that the Dr was going to abide by the already set out patient confidentiality.

Without another word, Dr Walter Harrington picked up his pen and dragged the contract towards him. He handed it back to Jeff, accepted his thanks and arranged an appointment.

-X-

Dr Walter Harrington ran his own thriving Doctor’s Surgery in the middle of town, but he also had a room in his own home for the more private, higher-paying patients. He had made sure that he wasn’t excepting anyone, personally or professionally before he’d booked in Jeff and his closeted Little. If it was important for this Little to have a contract written up to ensure the Dr stayed quiet, then Dr Harrington made it his mission to ensure that they wouldn’t be disturbed. Both Jeff and Norman were very grateful for it.

Jeff was nervous. He was glad they were here, and it was all for the best, but he was so damned nervous… and this wasn’t even his appointment. And if he was feeling like this, he had no idea how Norman was feeling.

Jeff looked over to the Little, who was pacing up and down the entrance hall that doubled as the Dr’s waiting room. His hair was all dishevelled from where he’d run his hands through it so many times, his shirt crumpled at the bottom from all the fumbling he’d done since they had arrived and his eyes red rimmed from unshed, terrified tears.

Jeff’s Caregiver was itching right at the surface. He needed to drop into his headspace too, and his inner Caregiver could sense how close to a drop Norman was and it was almost sending him into overdrive. It took so much effort to keep it under lock and key, and even then, he knew he wasn’t succeeding very well.

He let out a quiet, shaky breath. He wiped his hands down his face and linked his fingers together. He kept his eyes trained carefully on the still pacing Little. He was so conflicted with what to do… Norman needed the reassurance of a Caregiver right now, but there was no saying how the Little would respond to him if he did.

Still, he had to say something. He had to reassure his friend, reassure them both, that everything was going to be fine.

“Bubba…”

“Gentlemen, I’m ready for you now,” Dr Harrington called them kindly from a now open door to the left.

Both Norman and Jeff paled.

Jeff was horrified. He stood up, quickly squashing down his Caregiver side which had dared to slip up just now without him even realising. He looked over Norman carefully, wanting to see whether the Little had taken any notice of the slipped-up pet name or the soft Caregiver tone.

Either Norman didn’t care at the moment with other, more pressing things to worry about, or he hadn’t heard him. And with the way the Little was sudden panicking at the prospect of walking into the Dr’s office Jeff was pretty certain that he hadn’t heard anything.

Norman turned wide, terrified eyes on Jeff. He was seeking out someone he trusted for support, and Jeff was more than willing to step up to be that person. It was a chance to try and settle his caregiver instincts without outright dropping into Caregiver mode.

He stepped up close to his friend and placed his hand warmly on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Jeff promised with a whisper. “Dr Harrington has signed the contract, remember. Whatever is said and done here isn’t going to leave this house, isn’t going to be shared between anyone that isn’t you and the Doctor.”

“And you,” Norman muttered, voice strained and fearful. “Jeff, I can’t do it without you. Please…”

“I can come in with you if you want me to,” Jeff agreed readily, kindly. “But if you’d rather me stay out here; I can do that to. Norm, I’m going to do whatever you need me to do, okay?”

“Please,” Norman breathed. “I need you.”

Those three words were like music to Jeff’s ears. His heart sung and his Caregiver side was now in a state of bliss. He quickly got a hold of himself though, pushed all that down and smiled warmly at the so close to dropping Little.

“Come on then. Let’s tackle this together.”

It’s obvious that Dr Harrington wasn’t expecting the Little they’d talked about yesterday to be Norman Reedus. But he remained professional and didn’t say anything as he welcomed the two men into his at-home surgery room. He asked them both if they wanted something to drink, but they both declined.

The Dr let them both settle into the soft seats and watched them both carefully. It was so easy to spot that they were both on the edge of a drop. He had no doubt that the stress, worry and concern this appointment brought them both, as well as being around each other in such states was causing them to both be so close. But it was so obvious that Jeff was more practiced in his headspace than Norman was.

The poor man was an utter mess, and the Dr was so glad that he had agreed to see him. By the look of it, Norman had needed to see someone _years_ ago. Without asking any questions or getting any additional back story than what he’d received yesterday Dr Harrington could see that this man had suffered trauma and abuse just from looking at him.

Norman’s eyes were dancing all around the room, looking at anything and everything that wasn’t the Doctor. He couldn’t look at the man, scared of what he would see; probably disgust and repulsion. That and he needed to make sure that there were no hidden cameras or audio recorders that might be on show, recording everything that was about to happen in this room.

Already Norman was regretting agreeing to this. He was ready to throw up the meagre contents of his stomach and pass out. He didn’t think he could do this. It was all too much.

“Hello Norman.”

Norman jolted. The voice was kind and soft, not speaking down on him or instantly judging him. His eyes instinctively landed on the Doctor, and he was surprised to see that the man wasn’t looking at him with the revulsion and loathing that he had expected. If anything, the man was very fatherly looking, and had a polite smile that calmed Norman ever so slightly.

He didn’t respond to the man and instead looked over at Jeff for support. Just looking at the Caregiver soothed him even further and he was able to take a deep breath and collect himself a little. Jeff smiled kindly, and Norman appreciated the silent, unspoken _‘I’m here’_ , and it allowed him to greet the stranger.

“Hi.”

He blushed deeply, and ducked his head, hiding away in his hands. His voice was high-pitched and breathless, and the embarrassment burned deep inside him. He wanted out of here, he really didn’t want to be here.

He jerked, almost ready to stand up and leave, but a familiar body turned towards him and he peeked through his fingers to watch Jeff. The man was still sat in the seat beside him, but he was facing him. As usual, Norman appreciated that the man in front of him wasn’t pushing his Caregiver side on him and was just being his friend.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly. Norman was ever thankful that Jeff didn’t just demand to know what was wrong, even though it was plainly obvious that Norman _wasn’t_ okay.

Norman shook his head, not letting his eyes stray from Jeff’s wide, worried brown ones. He couldn’t open his mouth, scared that if he did, he would forget how to breath, if he did, he would choke on his words.

“This is scary,” Jeff agreed, voice quiet and saved just for Norman. “But you are the bravest person I know. You’re here, facing it all; and I know it’s hard, Norm, but you are doing so well! And I’m so proud of you!”

Jeff watched as Norman soaked up the praise and supportive words. Jeff tried not to cringe from the words that he hadn’t been able to stop from slipping from his tongue… they were words that he meant with all his heart, and as a friend… but they were words that his Caregiver side had pushed out of him without him being able to stop it. Norman hadn’t seemed to realise, for which Jeff was grateful.

Dr Harrington hadn’t interrupted, letting the two men have their moment. He hadn’t wanted to intrude, but now they both had come to a silent agreement to face this appointment together, the Dr got politely back down to business.

“Norman, I can tell you are scared,” He started tenderly. “And that is completely fine. I want you to know that in this room, you can say anything, about anything, and I will do my best to help you as best I can. And, as the contract in place states, anything that _is_ said between these walls, will stay in these walls, okay?”

Norman nodded, gulping audibly and rubbing he cold, sweaty hands together. Jeff smiled at him huge when the Little looked over to him again… it was something that was going to happen a lot throughout this appointment, which was fine.

“Now yesterday, Jeff came to see me about arranging this appointment and spoke to me a little about what he knows. Now, as I understand, you’re a Little, correct?”

Norman still refused to speak and so a short jerk of his head was all the conformation the Dr received, but that was okay. Hopefully the longer they were here, Norman would warm up to him and feel able to become a little more open. Dr Harrington was working hard to create a soothing, secure feel to the environment and their conversation. A small glance at Jeff, and the way Norman seemed to relax ever so slightly proved to him that he was succeeding.

“And you’ve been repressing your instincts for some time now, I believe?”

Again, a single nod. Eyes dropped in humiliation, as if this was something that the Little was ashamed of; ashamed of repressing it too much, not repressing it enough, being sat here at all, or even a mixture of all three, no one could tell.

“Hey, it’s okay Norman,” The Dr shushed, and Norman was surprised again when the man (who was a Neutral) spoke to him kindly, and not like most people would a Little. It took him off guard. “We’re going to take this all at your pace. If you don’t want to answer a question, or you don’t know how to answer it, just say. It won’t be a problem. If things get too much and you want to take a break, just let me know, okay? We are going to do this as slowly or as quickly as you need, okay?”

Another small nod, eyes staring unblinkingly at the floor. If he was a standard patient, Dr Harrington would be prescribing a long drop session immediately, however he didn’t think ordering this Little to do that would be beneficial for anyone and would set them back before they even started.

“Okay. That’s good,” The Dr smiled. “Are you ready to carry on?”

More nodding.

“Okay, that’s brilliant. I’m going to give you just a general check-up first, if that’s okay with you. I would like a urine sample, if that’s something you think you could manage, and I would like to take some bloods as well as just check your general vitals and things, such as your blood pressure and heart-rate. Is this okay?”

Norman swallowed, looked over to Jeff briefly, who smiled at him kindly, before nodding in the Dr’s direction.

First up was the urine sample. While Norman had been out of the room, peeing into a tube, the Dr got everything else ready. It didn’t take long for him to have 4 vials of shiny, red blood from Norman’s arm and have stickers stuck on each one with dates and requests of what to screen them for. Next came the general check-up, which took all of 20 minutes for the Dr to do and record on his form all ready to go on his desk.

He tells both the men sat in front of him that it’ll be a week before they come back, and that at the end of this appointment they’ll book them in again for a follow up appointment to talk through the results.

And then the questions start again. The tension in the room changes and Jeff knows that Norman isn’t liking being the centre of attention very much. It feels very different when having a physical examination, but to have to sit down and try and talk through everything he’s been through; Jeff can only imagine how daunting it must be.

Dr Harrington begins his questions again, asking if Norman is okay to continue. He is. He seeks out Jeff for some reassurance, which the Caregiver supplies with a huge smile. Jeff wants nothing more than to fling his arms around the Little and tell him that everything’s going to be fine, that he can get through this, but he stops himself. Norman just needs him to be here, as a friend. He can do that for him.

“Okay. Can I ask, _why_ you deny your Little side?”

This time there wasn’t a nod. Norman’s head shot up and his head shook, because _no_! He didn’t want to answer that; he wasn’t ready to answer that! He could barely think about it all, let alone speak it aloud.

Norman sought out Jeff (even though he knew the man was still sat right next to him) as if the man was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“That’s okay, that’s okay,” The Dr reassured them both, and instantly Norman’s shoulders dropped as the weight from that one question had brought was lifted.

“Can I ask how long you’ve repressed your Little side?”

“Since I presented…” Norman hushed, voice so quiet that both Jeff and the Dr barely heard it.

“And how old where you when you presented?”

“14.”

“That’s quiet young,” The Dr spoke, trying to keep the shock from his voice. It wasn’t unusual for some kids to present early, but it was pretty unheard of for a Little to present early. “Before they even do the checks in school…”

Norman nodded again, back to silent responses.

“Now, Norman, Jeff tells me that your body forced a drop on you, not too long ago. Is that the only time you’ve dropped recently?”

Norman said nothing for a moment. He looked over to Jeff again and smiled weakly back at the strong, soothing smile he received in return. He didn’t really want to speak about any of this, but he reminded himself he was here to help himself, and to help Jeff, and with Jeff around, his mother stayed silenced and he found that he could speak about this without her shouting at him and telling him how much of a _bitch_ he was.

“First time in at least 8 months,” he muttered, voice full of shame.

The Dr took some short notes, painting a kind face as he prepared his next question.

“And before that? How often would you let yourself drop, for how long?”

He almost couldn’t find the words to reply. He had _never_ spoken to anyone about any of this, so this was huge. It was scary and frightening, and he was so ready to pack up. The presence of Jeff beside him though reminded him again, why he was here, and he sucked in a large breath to respond, and although his voice was jittery and shaky, reply he did.

“Maybe once or twice a year… if that… never for very long though, mostly never for even an hour and never very deep.”

The questions carried on for a few more minutes, some of which Norman didn’t, _couldn’t_ , answer and some which took him a few moments longer than normal to answer, as if he had to talk himself into speaking. He was able to admit to them though, very shyly that apart from the time with Jeff, he had _never_ dropped around another Caregiver, or anyone for that matter. He told them that, yes, he did fight his little side, but couldn’t find the words to tell them _why_. He explained that the only people that knew about his Little Side was Jeff, the Dr and the lawyer who had drafted up the contract for him; it wasn’t even in his medical record… although he didn’t want to tell how he had managed that.

And then Dr Harrington had asked about his family history. Jeff had sensed the moment Norman froze up in utter panic and terror. The Dr pressed, albeit kindly, asking about his father, and then his mother.

Norman wasn’t breathing, the shock and horror so clear on his face, the building panic attack looming fast.

Jeff was speaking to Norman, slowly. He made his voice strong and confident, asking the Little to _breathe, Norman, breathe_!

Dr Harrington was over at the hospital bed in the corner of the room. He was laying the backrest down so the bed was flat.

“Let’s bring him over to the bed!” He ordered, hurrying over to help.

Norman couldn’t see properly, his vision blurred and unfocused. His chest was tight, his lungs burning and unmoving. His whole body was tingling, and he felt paralysed. Every feeling in his body making him even more panicked than he already was.

And then someone was touching him. He didn’t know who, but he lashed out. Touch meant hurt, touch meant pain, touch meant _bad_! _Bad, bad, bad!_ He was so bad! That’s why every touch was agony, to teach him not to be bad. And now he’d fought it, and it was going to be _so_ much worse! He wasn’t allowed to fight he wasn’t allowed to raise a hand to _her_. She was going to make him _pay_.

He started pleading. He was falling, his hand and knees crashing against a hard, _cold, so cold_ , floor. He couldn’t stop begging. He was sorry: so goddamn sorry! He knew though that it wasn’t going to help; she couldn’t stand his begs, pleads and prayers, they made her _angry_ ; so, so, so _angry_!

He fell silent with that thought, hoping that this would save him the bite and sting of whatever implement she felt would succeed teaching him a lesson this time. He knew it wouldn’t though, she was always thorough.

He curled his head down until it too was resting against the still hard tiles and sobbed. He tried to be quiet, knowing how much she hated his tears, but he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried. He sobbed loudly and ugly, small pitiful whimpers leaving his mouth each time he tried to take a deep breath.

_“Norman! Norman!”_

He heard the voice, although it was muffled. It was familiar, one he knew and trusted, but he couldn’t touch it. He wanted to follow it and hold it; he knew it would protect him, but it was just out of reach and he cried more.

_“Norman! It’s me…”_

_“Norman, breathe…”_

Then there were hands on him, one on either bicep; but they were kind and familiar, large and strong. They weren’t long and bony, nor did they carry hate and pain. These were hands to be trusted, not feared.

_“Norman. It’s me Jeff. I’m right here, Bubba. I’m right here.”_

Norman heard the voice and let the hands guide him up, out of his fetal position and back onto his knees. The hands were grounding him, and he listened out for the voice, desperate to hear more of it. It was the only thing saving him from _her_ cruel ways.

 _“That’s right. Good boy. Breath for me, Bubba. In and out. That’s it. Good boy. Well done. In and out_. _”_

He listened to the voice and let it guide him closer. He felt better, letting the air back into his burning lungs and allowing the oxygen to rush back through his body. He blinked a few times and slowly his vision started to clear. He recognised the sparkling white tiles of the Doctor’s room, two sets of knees clad in expensive trousers (one of which belonged to him), and then the sound of Jeff’s voice which was so close he reared his head up searching for it.

“There we are. Well done, Norman. Good boy. In and out. That’s it, Bubba. That’s great. Good boy.”

Norman could tell that Jeff was in full Caregiver mode, but surprisingly that didn’t scare him or frighten him as much as it probably should have. Instead, if anything he soaked it up, before he could even think. It made him feel a little better and pushed him closer to the edge all at the same time.

When Norman found the face he was looking for right in front of him he hiccuped and burst into a fresh bought of tears.

“There you are,” Jeff smiled kindly, when he realised that Norman had come back to him. His eyes and cheeks were shiny and wet with his own tears at what he’d just witnessed.

“Jeff!” Norman wailed, loudly and fell into the Caregiver’s chest.

And with that one word, Norman had let go. His body and mind, unable to handle the panic attack he had just been through on top of everything else he had to suffer through on a daily basis, had forced him into another drop.

Jeff couldn’t help his own tears as he shushed and muttered sweet nothings to the Little, gathering him into his arms and lap and holding him close. What he’d just witnessed had been so scary and he’d been so frightened for Norman.

The Little in his arms was wailing and completely inconsolable, his hands forming fists in Jeff’s shirt to hold himself closer to the man’s warm’s chest, seeking the comfort that he needed.

Jeff rocked them both slightly and rested his head on top of Norman’s, allowing them both to just cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....Sorry!!!!  
> <3 <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you so much!!
> 
> I'm going to add tags and more characters as I go, as I'm not completely sure on everything and everyone that I want inside in this story. I do have the very main plot of this story planned out, but just need to fluff the chapter's out. Let me know if there's anything you would like to see!!
> 
> If you could spare a moment to let me know what you think, that would be great!!
> 
> Love to you all!!


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